MTFBWYYou underestimate my power!" - Anakin Skywalker
I have been designing and developing web sites for over 25 years, predominantly for non-profit organizations in the telecommunications and law enforcement industries. I have extensive experience with HTML, PHP, CSS, JavaScript, and more. I don't want to do that sh*t anymore.
These days I smoke cigars, drink a lot of coffee, and wipe crusty cat butts. When I remember to.
Complete Contract Details
Choosing the right employee is tough. Fo-get aboutit, you found 'im. Here's the deal:
- Have good intentions.
- Don't lie.
- Never harm innocent life.
- Shut up more often.
- No meetings with more than 3 people, remotely.
- No in-person meetings.
- No in-person anything, likely.
- No more than 20 hours per week, on MY time, at MY pace. (Note: Rates reflect billing for 20 hours.)
- Family healthcare, including dental & vision. Good sh*t that can actually be used where we need it.
- Four (4) weeks of un-paid vacation.
- Family & Medial leave, based off from current Washington State & Federal laws.
- Entirely remote.
- Up-front payment.
- Three (3) mulligan's.
Hourly
$499.99
per Hour
- Unlimited Space & Traffic
- 99.9% Server Uptime
- SSL Certificate Available
- Plugin Updates
(As required) - Database Backups
(Store up-to 12) - 8-Hour Minimum Contract
- 1 Day Money-Back Guarantee
Monthly
$39,999.20
per Month
- Everything in Basic, plus...
- Progressive Thinking
- Weekly Updates
(As required) - Weekly Database Backups
(Store up-to 52) - Priority Customer Support
- 2 (ea.) One-hour Remote Training Sessions
(Up to 20 people) - 3-Month Minimum Contract
- 1 Day Money-Back Guarantee
Annual
$480,990.38
per Year
- Everything in Standard, plus...
- Integrated Communication!
- Some more Updates
(As required) - 10 (ea.) Additional One-hour Remote Training Sessions
(Up to 20 people) - An annual Christmas card.
- 1 Day Money-Back Guarantee
- Note: Mandatory $50K annual holiday bonus, regardless of performance.
Hourly rate times 20 hours, times 48.1 weeks. Right? Correct me if I'm wrong. Thanks.
Contact me today to discuss simplifying your business.